so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
