your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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