that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
