He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
