Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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