You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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