I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
