I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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