You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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