PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
