I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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