I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
