I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
