YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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