i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
