The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
