Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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