if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
