You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
