He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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