There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
