I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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