How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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