Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
