i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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