i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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