They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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