community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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