Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
