Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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