Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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