Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
