thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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