in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize