im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
