If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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