I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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