seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
