I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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