Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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