Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
