Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
