Pants 0. Shit 1.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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