did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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