I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
