I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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