He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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