You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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