Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
