He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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