we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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