In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
