i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
