Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
