you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
