Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
