you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
