Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
