yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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