There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
