Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
