She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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