How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
