im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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