a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
