somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
