you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
