A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
