I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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