awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
