Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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