Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
