i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i think my cat just said my name.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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