woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
