YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
