i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
