Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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