Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
