This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
