I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
