Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
