just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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