so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
